my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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