respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
