I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
