Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
