I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
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