she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
