I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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