I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
