Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
