Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
