i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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