Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
