We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
