Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
