Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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