His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
