i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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