my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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