I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
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Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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