He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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