oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
