Don't you send me to vm
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
