my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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