walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he was CRYING into my vagina
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
