Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
