you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
