Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
