You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
