Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
