dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
