Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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