Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
