Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
