me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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