what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
