You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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