So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?