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you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
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