he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.