I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
