After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
