I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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