We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
