no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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