I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
