he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize