you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
pray to the hookup gods
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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