google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
