we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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