I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
