Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
