Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
