The maid of honor just puked.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
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