Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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