Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
