You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
