champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
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Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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