My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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