I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
