I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
