this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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