Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
