Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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