Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
