birth control should be required to get into college
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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