yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
