you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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