oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
