FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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