I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I see more hoeing in ur future
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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