I hate your face
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
