Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
