in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
