i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
