He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
