it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
