i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
