You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
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I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
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Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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