Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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