I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
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