I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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