I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
if you like me you must not know who I am
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
