Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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