goodnight i made you a song goodbye
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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