He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
