You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
