Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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