yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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