You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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